I usually start a coaching session by asking my client why they chose to see me. It serves a very important purpose. I like to know the “why” before I start helping someone because if there is not a clear reason as to what brought them to me, it’s extremely difficult to help them develop an action plan moving forward.
Recently, I met with a client who told me she thought I could help her with extreme anxiety. About 10 minutes with her was all it took to reveal the underlying problem. This girl was a victim of something so common and believe it or not, she was able to fix her mindset and change her life.
She told me about how much pressure she felt every single day to “eat this,” “buy that” and sign her kids up for all of the things. She said she had no connection with the parents she encountered night after night and felt like a complete outcast. She told me that if it was up to her, she’d wait until her kids were older to decide if they wanted to do all of these things and it’d release so much free time for her to maintain the good self care I was always drilling into her and limit putting herself on the back burner. She was afraid to say no to these things because of how she’d appear. Guys, she had lived like this for over five years.
Now, it was my turn to share. I told her that for a lot of years, I did the same thing. I joined all of the clubs because I thought I needed to prove myself. I hung out with this person and that person despite having nothing in common with them because I thought I needed to have a lot of friends. I followed strict meal plans and got myself down to a size 2 because I thought it would make me happy. Guess what? It didn’t. (Also: losing weight is not going to make you love yourself. I will teach you all about how to love yourself first and then you will release the weight as an added bonus.)
BUT, we all have the power to choose how we live our lives each day. We have the power to choose healthy meals. We have the power to limit our spending. We have the power to say “no” to things that don’t bring us joy. So, if we have all of this power, why are we still miserable? It’s very simple.
We are all guilty of comparison. We compare our diets, our clothes, our kids, our personalities, relationships and workout routines. We sometimes make decisions based on bias. We look to others to tell us what we want. We can sometimes be influenced. But, at the end of the day, there is only one person you should be competing with. You. Furthermore, the only “you” that you should be competing with is who you were yesterday.
It may seem like the world is going to crash in on you if you quit the club, forego the expensive diet app, and start meditating every morning. People may judge you if you stop participating in gossip sessions and lean into the people who make you better and stronger. In the end, none of it should affect your decision to do so. When you are so focused on what “she” is doing and how “she” is living her life, all you’re doing is feeding “her” ego. What other people think about you should hold no weight on how you live your life. When you actually put this to practice, waking up each morning becomes so exciting again. You have a fresh outlook and trust me, you are going to slay all day long.
I love teaching people how to love themselves unconditionally. Ultimately, self-love can heal just about anything from weight problems to relationship problems, anxiety, health issues and even depression. I am NOT claiming to be able to heal everything, but I have healed a lot. There is a method for how you can live the most full and beautiful life and I am always taking new clients.
Take care of yourself and trust the process.