Unlike Taylor Swift, I trusted a narcissist and he loved me.

nar·cis·sist/ˈnärsəsəst/noun

  1. a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.”narcissists who think the world revolves around them”

Psychology Today shared that Narcissistic Personality Disorder is indicated by 5 or more of the following symptoms:

  • Exaggerates own importance
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence or ideal romance
  • Believes he or she is special and can only be understood by other special people or institutions
  • Requires constant attention and admiration from others
  • Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
  • Takes advantage of others to reach his or her own goals
  • Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy
  • Is often envious of others or believes other people are envious of him or her
  • Shows arrogant behaviors and attitudes

The article went on to share how difficult treatment can be due to the narcissist’s inability to own their problems and vulnerabilities. Reading this list actually brought me comfort. Why? Because if you’ve ever been involved with someone who has NPD, you spend your life trying to please and almost all of your time is spent wondering if you’re the crazy one. They love you just enough so that you believe in them, but not quite enough that you ever feel truly satisfied. 

I am still recovering from a co-dependent relationship with a true narcissistic man. A man who literally manipulated my entire life in an effort to get his needs met. Spoiler alert: His needs will never be met. 

Narcissists are difficult to love and even more difficult to let go. For me, I wanted to fix him. I wanted to help him. I wanted him to love himself and have a full cup. But, I promise you, I would have been pouring into a bottomless cup for the rest of my life if I didn’t get out of that relationship. In doing so, I gained clarity, mental health, stability and positive self-perception. 

We can laugh and joke “he’s a narcissist,” but the reality is that this disorder is real. It has the power to destabilize, destruct and destroy relationships and the people living in them. It has the power to steal joy and control the minds of those who are too weak to fight back.

The more you know, the more power you have to regain control of your life and happiness. So, educate yourself. Seek therapy. Put in the work so that one day, you’ll be able to sing along with Taylor and you’ll be a better person for it. 

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